I’m your stranger. Jump!

Good thing:

I don’t have skin cancer.  Hooray.

Sad thing:

Nick is leaving in August.  I mean LEAVING leaving.  Not coming back.  I’m not leaving in August.  I don’t want to leave until January.  So that’s looking at a few months of Nick-less, Luna-less Taiwan, which is to say a less than ideal situation.

Funny Thing:

As you teach English (or probably anything), your kids start to emulate what you frequently say.  I now have an army of Taiwanese nine year-olds saying, “Oh, man!” when they drop an eraser and, “No WAY!” when the other team scores a point. Aw.

Now, back to Nick: because he’s leaving in August and I’ll be only a few months behind, I most likely can’t come home in September–it’s just too expensive to do twice in a quarter.

So, I’ll be coming home in January (for good) and then I’ll have six months to work some hopefully dismal job, which I can then leave (throw my apron onto the floor in a dramatic fashion) and start a grad program in the fall.

What a I going to study? Religion.  And Chinese (of course!).  I guess when I say religion it’s kind of a mix of anthropology and religion–Taiwanese funeral customs in particular, Asian culture and religion in general.   It’s pretty  crazy.  So I need to spend the next four months doing some preliminary research, taking pictures of the ridiculous processions and maybe talking to some people about it.

Hopefully I can get a fellowship for teaching very basic Chinese or at least be a T.A.  It’s looking like a career in academia for me, which is great because I want to KNOW these things, but kind of limited to “professor” or “writer” career-wise.  I don’t necessarily object to those careers, they just sound a little bland.

Then again, Indiana Jones, though fictional, was also a professor.

Nick’s going back to Michigan to work on his second bachelors.  He wants to get a degree in electrical engineering and work on alternative energy sources, etc, is pretty noble.

Today is my last day of Chinese class for the semester–they zoom by so quickly it’s hard to even catch the plate number.  I’m taking the summer off (I suppose) and plan on reading a lot and prepping for the horrible horribleness that is the GRE.

Listen, I’ve had a sordid math history.  I don’t like the subject.  I was educated in a system that allowed me to basically not learn or be challenged in math because I excelled in other subjects.  I’ve never taken calc, pre-calc, physics, or even Algebra 2.  I’m seriously sweating the prospect of testing post-college level math.

I took one math class in college-it was called “Math in the World” or something and we calculated compound interest.

Crap.

Anyway, I’m really excited about both Nick and my future endeavors, I just hope I don’t become one of those pompous, jerk-off grad students (or the like) who are all condescending towards people who like to watch sports or follow celebrity news.

That’s it for me today!
Big trucks and butter cups,

Jen

Night Terrors

Nick has a terrible, terrible secret.

A secret so stupid that knowing it will just make you laugh at him.

And here it is: he hallucinates at night.

So be fair, I do to.  But I think it is because he somehow passed his weirdness on to me.

No these aren’t exactly dreaming–they may start as dreaming and then move into the range of intelligible speaking, light-turnings on, searching, and general freaking out.

The heart of it is waking–eyes open, maybe somewhat sleepy, but eyes definitely open and it feels like we’re conscious.

Documented Hallucinations:

-I wake up and Nick is crawling around the apartment with a knife in his teeth, convinced someone dropped into our 13th story window.

-While looking up at the ceiling I see this weird balloon burst and these bizarre green strings, like the ones in the dragon books my mom and sister used to read, start raining down, slowly onto the sheets.  I take cover under my blanket and gasp and wake up Nick.  Then I flip on the light and dig through the blankets looking for the ’strings’ I saw with my waking eyes.

-I’m convinced I’m seeing double and wake Nick up to confirm that there are not two light fixtures on the ceiling–he informs me there is only one.

-I’m shaken awaken by Nick bolting upright, pushing me off the bed and snapping on the light.  He then proceeds to obsessively tunnel through the blankets, turn off the light, and go back to sleep.  When I ask him what in the name of heaven he’s doing, he mumbles something about, “not wanting to miss class,” as he is sound asleep.  When I demand a better answer, he claims I had some kind of animal crawling on me.

Maybe it’s the air here.  Maybe one of the plants in our bedroom has weird spores.  Maybe it’s the fact that our bedroom window looks over a mental institution and half of our apartment’s windows face the enormous cemetery.  No matter what it is, our dreams are getting more and more vivid and its getting harder to separate dreams from reality. OOOoooOoooo.

Do you or your chamber mate have this problem, too?

In other news, I got a mole removed on my back for a biopsy.  Woo.  The first doctor said I might have a problem, the second one said I had nothing to worry about so we’ll see.  I got one stitch, too!  This is my first outside-of-the-mouth stitch.  And it happens to be right in the middle of my bag, right on my spine, in that area where you put all the pressure if you sit down.  Cripes.  The nice thing was I got a check-up and my mole removed (and will get the biopsy results) in about 20 minutes and for under $10USD, after insurance.  It was about $90USD before insurance.  Go social health care!

Cat’s kinda out of the bag–I’m going to come home for three weeks in September/October.  Not sure on dates yet, just sometime in the end of September/maybe the beginning of Oct.  Plans?

Plupdate

Hello!

We’re now up to season three of the X-Files and it’s pretty good.  Man, I remember watching that as a kid and we loved it.  Everyone loved it.  And that’s why everyone is into conspiracy theories today.

Also, I shut Nick’s hand in a sliding glass door yesterday.  Well, actually his pinkie.  At first we thought I broke it, but I think it’s just badly bruised–whoopsie.  While in Kenting, Duane shut my hand in the car door.  Now, I’ve gotten Nick, so it only makes sense that Nick has to get Duane real good.

Boring plant update:

Yo!  So my plants have been coming along quite well.

The first ones up were the cosmos.  They perked up within 48 hours and kept on growing.  After a  few days, I transplanted them all into two 8-inch (diameter…about) pots to let them grow a bit more.  I didn’t cover them with plastic wrap and they’ve been growing everyday.

Next up were the tomatoes.  Every seed except for one sprouted and sprung right up.  I transplanted them into 8-inch pots as well.  I also planted a few in smaller pots so I can give them away more easily.  For both tomatoes and cosmos, I mixed the hydroponically sprouted seeds and soil sprouts together.

After that came the tiny Snapdragons.  These little sprouts are as cute as can be and started charging upwards by day…four, I think.  Since they are so small, I haven’t had to transplant them yet, but I’ve taken a few out and put them into an old bakery take-out box converted into a very mini-greenhouse, so I can give them to my friend.  I have transplanted the hydroponic Snapdragons, (which were already sprouting leaves underwater!) into a 6-inch pot and covered the top with plastic wrap to keep them warm.

As far as Hot Peppers go, I just started to see some growth about two days ago, so almost a week after planting.  I have about 3 or four strong seedlings cropping up in the soil.  However, the water germination was absolutely ineffective in the water.  Not a single seed looks like it’s even close to opening up.

I have one soil sprout of notoriously difficult Lavender and I’m pretty happy about that–there are most likely more to come now!  There are also a few tiny little roots popping out of a few seeds in the water, which is exciting because, hey, lavender!

The strawberries.  Psh.  I think there are two tiny main roots sticking out of two tiny seeds in the water, though it could be mold from all of their inactivity.

In the case of the snapdragons, water was practically equal to the soil as far as growth and germination.  For cosmos and tomatoes, water was quicker to get the root out of the seed, but slower to grow.   For hot peppers, the water was in affective but the soil seems to work well.  For lavender and strawberries, the effectiveness of either has yet to be determined.

If you’re around and want some plants, let me know!

Burns and New Growth

EDIT//If you want to see my boring plants/seeds you can see some pictures here.  I’m really just messing around and only have a base knowledge of horticulture, etc, so please feel free to kick in some tips, especially for germinating strawberries!//EDIT

Burns:

Yesterday we went surfing again. In Zhunan a “beach” about an hour away from Taichung. I shouldn’t really say it was a “beach”, I mean it was a beach, but it wasn’t a necessarily pleasant beach. It was completely trashed with tires, trash, and even a dog skeleton. The surf brought in a yellowish foam, which is never good. The wind was off the charts, whipping the rough sand over and into everything and making it practically unbearable to just sit there and chill out. Plus, the waves were extremely choppy and almost too-frequent.

Luna had an awesome time and even tried to swim out to us. She would swim out a bit and try to hop on the surf baord, poor thing. She was scared in the ocean, but missed us too much. Aw. I did ok. I didn’t surf too much, because I had to watch Luna, but the bit I did surf, I did pretty well so I was happy.

I think I would like to go back and try again, but I don’t want to bring luna. Also, I want a rash guard or something, because my back got FRIED and have a nice triangle/spaghetti strap speedo pattern burned into my flesh. Ouch.

New Growth:

We have been taking about “peak oil” and “after the fall” a lot lately and Nick decided to start some kind of “survivor’s club”, where we all meet and swap skills that would help us survive off the grid when there is no more petroleum, company generated power, etc.

On Saturday, he made a still and distilled gaoliang liquor into ethanol, which was impressive, but smelled terribly. For my project, I am doing something with hydroponics and experimenting with plant germination. I have cosmos, snapdragon, lavender, tomato, hot pepper, and strawberry seeds and on Saturday, I started germinating them. I’ve created my own germination chambers out of these weird, circular Japanese ice-cube trays, plant trays, and plastic-wrap. It’s only been about 48 hours and there’s already been some growth in the cosmos (2 seedlings) and hot peppers (1 seedling).

I’m also working with hydroponic mint cuttings. I guess my project will be useful because it will be necessary and important to efficiently grow food in a variety of conditions. Plus, I like trying to grow things.

Anyway, I hope my plants actually grow. Right now I also have a fluffy mint plant (that I often cannibalize for mojitos) and a proper rosemary bush (that is for cooking with). We also planted a pineapple top. In two years, we’ll have one, miniature pineapple. wow.

If you know anything about hydroponics or have some germination tips for any of those plants, let me know!

Files from the Roachagrin: The Leg Attack

So last night I was enjoying a pleasant after-work glass of wine and falafel pita at Uzo with Nick, Duane, Dom, Times, Chelsea, and Chelsea’s dad.

The night was beautiful, the Baba Ghanoush was FANTASTIC, and the cockroaches were…on my leg.

Yes, that’s right.  As we sat under the large, canvas umbrellas, the night began to cool, the curling  plates of incense kept the mosquitoes at bay, and a lone, two-inch wanderer made it’s way from the border of mint plants to the dark areas under the patio furniture.

We laughed about times gone by and memories of what has come before, with no fear of what was to come or what might be lurking in the unlit recesses of “under there”.

And then I felt it–a tickle, like a jute shoelace dangling on its owner’s purple chucks.  My response was not to panic, but I definitely noticed that my neighbors were not sitting close enough for their flirtatious footsy advances to reach me.

I had some more pita.

I felt the movement again.  This time, instead of a shoelace, it was more like an atomic bomb on a desert patch full of nerve endings–there was something on my leg.

I looked and jumped and smacked and screamed as the culprit scuffled around to the tune of my dinner companions’ incessant chortle.

“Thersg a COCKRACH on meh LEGH!” seemed to escape in a Twin Peaks-ian, illogical conglomeration of vowels and words.  “BAHH!” was my second, equally brilliant assessment of the situation. “GETH IST!” The third, possibly Germanic in origin.

As the bug (if you can call such power and ick-factor a mere ‘bug’…) finally removed from it’s death grip on my shin, retreated to his own minty camp, the servers came with bug spray and the owner looked up from his lap-topped, barstool for damage control.

“Yeah,” he said (because he had to say something), “you get those for free.”

A Few Firsts

I haven’t written in a little while, because I’ve been having too much fun!

Really.

Here are some things:

-Surfing: we went to Kenting for four days, three nights and stayed at a little surf shop/hotel that was so awesome for Taiwan.  We also surfed every day and that was a whole lot of fun–except for the leg rash and raw knees I got to endure once I got out of the water.  Salt-water on flesh-less patches of leg is only so-so comfortable indeed.   It was a little sad to come back to Taichung after such a fun mini-vacation, but the best part is, we’re going back next Sunday!  Surf road trip!

-Rock climbing:  On Wednesday, I tried rock climbing for the first time.  As coincidence would have it, the chapter I’m doing in Chinese right now is about rock climbing, so I knew relevant words like “zhizhu ren”, which means Spiderman.  Yahoo.   Donghai has a nice wall and by nice I mean pretty hard.  I made it about 1/2 way the first time and that experience pretty much drained me.  I wasn’t sore at all afterwards, except for the weird “graspy muscle” in my forearm that flexes when I brake my scooter.  That was a little tight, making for an interesting drive home.

-Rock Band:  Torrance got Rock Band and last night was the first time I’ve played it.  I’ve played guitar hero one time before, so it was exciting.  If you know me at all, you’ll know that I sucked at the drums, did pretty well on the guitar, but really just likely grabbing the mic and singing the most.  That’s a WHOLE lot of fun.

-Celebrity Impersonation: I also dressed up as Amy Winehouse for aforementioned Rock Band party.  I figured her unique look would be easy for people to understand right away–so yes, eyeliner and beehives.  I even brought a pack of markers so people could give me tattoos.  I just had everyone draw the flag of their country on my legs and back.  I had collected (in alphabetical order): Canada, Ecuador, Finland, France, Hawaii (close enough to another country) Korea, Panama, and the Philippines–almost everyone was accompanied by a country appropriate statement.

Ironically, though there were several people from the States there, no one drew an American flag…or a Taiwanese flag.  Nick did, however, did write a well-known, quasi-patriotic motto.  I’ll just tell you it’s starts with “America,” and ends with “yeah!” and you can fill in the middle word.

Speaking about Nick, he went as Robert Plant.  Yes, Robert Plant–the lead-singer of Led Zepplin–long, golden, curly wig and all.  For his ensemble he literally raided my closet–everything from the half-open, see-through shirt, to the tight pants and rocker boots, were mine.  “Apparently you dress like a ’70s male rockstar,” he said.

Being Amy for a night was a lot of fun, but I’m glad to be pack to my normal, clean-eyed, non-marker tattooed self today.   I’ll try to find a picture of the both of us…so you don’t feel left out of our awesomeness.  Until then, you should go see Iron Man–I was really surprised by it.

Sterling spoon
On the chipped saucer
Like a whiplash tiger,
Vibrant and alive.

The spoon of curves and sighs
The mud cloth and
a threaded, swollen tunnel
ready to wrap its prey
like the scratch of a sea urchin
on a hideous fingerling’s shell.

Don’t mistake light for peace, she says
The spoon for the sugar, the gasp for the kiss.

You’re bent and tiled-eyed,
The floor with whirrs and gentle cooing
Coiled ‘round your breath in waves.

Don’t touch the spike,
Don’t wink the scratch to sleep.

You are to be
With sand that settles on the rocks.

You are to be
The heaving coral near the shore.

Coppertone Bent

After a weekend of surprise dance-club-staying out ’til 4:30 Friday and whipping up something yummy for a long chili cook-off Saturday, Nick, Duane, and I are off to Kending for a 3-4 day mini-holiday.

Basically we’re bringing out swimsuits and a few liters of: fresh pineapple juice, coconut milk, orange juice, and lemon juice, as well as coconut cream and a cooler full of yum.

Oh, and Luna.

While everyone else is working on Monday (and the lovely Dom is subbing for me), I’ll be surfing in the Pacific.

This is a brag blog. See you later!

Defensive Swimming

Cockroach update:  When we strap our ak’s to our backs and bowie knives to our thighs, finally braving the trench of under-the-sink, we found carnage–three dead cockroaches and one live one.

One is way better than twenty-seven, like last time, but it is one of those comically smart roaches.  It is the one that vacations in the silverware drawer.  He’ll hang out in there and I’ll open the drawer and he’ll laugh and get behind all of the drawers and then we’ll take all of the drawers out and see him and try to hit him, and then he’ll jump out of the cabinet, onto the floor, and then run under the sink cabinet.

This exact series of events has happened three times already.  It’s like that part of the Christmas Story where you keep seeing Ralphie & Co. getting chased home in fast-motion by Scut Farkus (He had yellow eyes–so help me god, yellow eyes!).  It’s frantic and scary, but its becoming a routine and no longer interesting, it could be fast-forwarded through with the same result.

Other than that, I’ve received three 100s in a row on dictations, which is nice.  I also started a new Chinese book–it is actually easier than my old one, so it is a bit relaxing.

I had a wonderful Friday night, full of the cigar bar, getting to Hotel 1 thirty-minutes before it closed, crashing a stranger’s going-away party and talking a big group with me, and salsa dancing until 5 in the morning.  It was a fun night, a tiring night.  But it was wonderful and full of great people.

Here’s a picture of (R-L) Dom, Tatiana, and Moi for those not-on-facebook crowd. Oh, and I put three other pictures on my old xanga in order to save space on this blog.

I just got back from swimming.  If I had a choose an element I was most kindred with, it would definitely be water, and if I had a super power, it would probably be breathing underwater.  I think Scorpio is a water sign, right? Coincidence?  Yes.

Ok, I need to study and cuddle with my dog.  Love you!

The Kitchen War

I didn’t know that I hated/slightly feared cockroaches until I moved to Taiwan.

They are everywhere here, just everywhere.

And it isn’t just their appearance (which is like a creepy trilobite) that gets to me, its the way I discover them.

It’s never like, I am outside walking around and a cockroach crosses the sidewalk perpendicular to me and I see it come and go and think, “Wow. That’s a nasty little thing. Oh well.”

It’s more like I am putting clean chopsticks away in our SILVERWARE DRAWER and then all of a sudden this mother-of-all, prehistoric, 4-inch job is racing across the spoons towards my hand.

Or I am getting ready to wash some dishes, so I reach down into the sink and pull out a wooden spatula, which happens to be a new-found haunt for the glutinous Brother Roachystein, the four-foot wonder, who then scrambles up my arm towards my shoulder and my delicious brain.

Nick said that he woke up to one on his pillow once, too.

I’m getting the shivers just thinking about it.

Like the Goosebumps book of the same name, it came from beneath the sink. It really did. There’s legions of them down there, waiting for me to unsuspectingly put something away.

The screams and psychological damage I’ve undergone because of these critters is unmeasurable.

When I open the cabinet beneath the sink, I can NOT grab anything unless it is right against the door or in a very, very plain, very very reachable place.

I get nervous when I put utensils away.

I practically start crying when a cockroach scurries into my life.

I can hear the crawling along the plastic bags under the sink.

They are just so fast, so disgusting, and so all over these ’sacred’ places like the clean, dried knives and forks and the measuring cups. Not to mention the poor, violated can opener.

We went on an extermination mission last November or something. Took everything out from beneath the sink and used a “smashin’ stick,” a pair of bonsai tweezers, and an empty two-liter bottle to wage our little war.

When the kitchen carnage ceased we counted 27 little bodies.

Let me say that again, we found 27 cockroaches, alive and well, making their home under our kitchen. What could possibly be more disgusting?

This isn’t Joe’s Apartment. They don’t get together and sing me songs about towels and love. They are just really, really creepy and I don’t want a part of it.

Nick says we can re-claim the kitchen cabinets tomorrow morning–it is a lot easier in the daylight, as they can’t hide as well in the shadows and surprise shank you when you reach for the Windex.

I hate cockroaches. Feel my pain.